Okay let's see.. one of the biggest things that my friends have always come to talk to me about is relationships, I guess because they are one of the things that cause a lot of conflict & they just want to talk about it. I always try my best to help in whatever way I can so heres maybe some advice that I actually told a friend today..
I'm not an expert on relationships & I'm not claiming to be one so before you go & say anything, lets clarify that. If I have learned anything from my relationships in the past, its that you can't change anyone. Period. I know you might be thinking, yes I can. No. I'm sorry but you can't. Only God can change people. I'm talking about real genuine change. I believe that some people do make some progress because of someone else but they have to do it themself & they have to do with God's help. You can disagree with me if you want & thats fine but if you do agree with me then heres what else..
I thought I could change someone at one time. I don't think that I ever said well I'll change him & it'll all be okay but I thought that if I tried getting him into church & talked to him about Christ all the time that maybe things would be okay, I'd convince him not to do certain things & he'd become a christian & we'd live happily ever after. Can you believe I thought that way? Ha. Well looking back I can't. It didn't happen like that at all. We eventually broke up, mostly because we just didn't want the same things at all. Its hard to be with someone when they don't see 90% of the way you see things. Its not that I didn't like anything about him or that he was this horrible person, I just didn't want him doing some of the things he did. I wanted him to follow Jesus. I just wanted him to see things the way I did. When it comes to relationships you want a partner, not a project. That has really stuck with me because it's true. You might be thinking thats silly that I was like that & it was, but I know that theres other people out there right now thinking the exact same thing. Truth is if you don't like the way the person you're with acts, the way they do something, something they believe, then its probably best to just not be with them.
Second thing.. one of the BIGGEST things I see, & trust me I am guilty of this myself, is the whole controlling thing. It kinda goes a long with changing somone but not exactly. SO back to this guy that I tried to change. Not only did I want to change some things about him, I didn't like all the girls he talked to. I know you know what I mean. You get upset, jealous because your boyfriend is talking to this girl & you really don't want him talking to her, or guys you don't want your girl talking to these guys so you tell them to stop & maybe they do & maybe they don't. I think its safe to say though that you shouldn't have to ask them to stop. You shouldn't have to feel like they're doing something wrong behind your back. One of the things I learned is that they are going to do it no matter what, whether you tell them or not. I know it seems like simple truth but I just didn't get it. I got too caught up in how I felt about him to see what was infront of me. If a guy/girl really wants to be with you then other girls/guys don't matter. People don't just stop doing something because you tell them to, they have to realize its wrong & it doesn't hurt to tell them you don't like it but if they don't or it seems like they just said they'd do it but they're not then consider if you really have an honest relationship or not.
Theres just soo much to say bout this that I could keep going but I think I'm going to end with this for now. They're might be a part 2. We'll see :) if you read this then I pretty much love you!
btw, happy new year!!
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